Barbados

One of the greatest holidays I ever had was one that one of the ones I had in Barbados.....…oh alright then......…it was the only time I had ever managed to go there, but I would definetly go again and for longer too (If any Barbadian tourist board people reading this want to give me a free holiday there for the free advertising I would willingly jump at the chance…......just thought I’d mention it!)

I went all on my lonesome (all together now…....Awwww!!!) but had a truly terrific time. One day while there I went out on the Jolly Roger. A touristy pirate ship where you travel from Bridgetown to Holetown by boat (obviously), surrounded by boozed up tourists. Free rum all the way there and back and when you get to Holetown you can have a bit of lunch and a boogie to the local Soca music.

When I say that you boogied, I of course mean that others boogied while I just ate, drank and watched.

Then came the time where you could jump from the boat into the clear blue water of the Carribean. There were a variety of doing this. You could just jump over the side, swing off from a rope or walk the plank….....all while being highly inebriated, great stuff!

While all that was going on I walked to the back of the boat and dropped some unwanted remnants of my lunch into the sea and watched in amazement and the variety of little multi-coloured fishies come along and gobble it all up.

While all this was going on, some of the locals came out to the boat to offer jet-ski rides…for a price of course. Another option was to do a spot of snorkelling.

As I said, the jet-ski was a bit pricey…not that I’m tight or anything, and why get wet snorkelling looking at the same kind of multi coloured fish that I could see quite clearly enough while dropping some grub over the edge of the boat?

So I decided to stay on the boat…..a couple of girls seemed to have the same idea. We got talking and it turned out that they only lived about 8 miles from where I lived, yet I had to go halfway round the world to meet them!

Anyhoo....…they invited me to their hotel which, wierdly again was only a couple of miles from mine.

I arranged to meet them both the next day at 2 in the afternoon.

Now at the hotel where I was staying (Silver Sands again…..anyone reading this want to give me a holiday I’m more than happy to go there again!!) there was a one man taxi firm or so it seemed until the last day…....more about that a little later though.

His name was Lionel and he was a nice old chap, very polite to me and he even addressed me as Sir…so we got on very well.

That day when I returned after the boating escapades I saw Lionel sitting in his car waiting for no one in particular and so arranged him to drop me off at their hotel for the next day. Lionel asked what time he should pick me up, which I replied 6 o’clock…....well I didn’t want to miss out on my hotel dinner did I?

Next day came and I got to the hotel feeling rather nervous, but the girls (who’s names I have honestly forgotten sorry!) were there waiting for me by the outside bar. We swam a bit in the sea, I was of course very careful how far out I went….I’d already had experience with potential shark attacks elsewhere and I’d seen the dodgiest Jaws movie The revenge as well, so I wasn’t taking any chances.

So we swam, we chatted, we had lunch…....no nothing else happened.

Sorry to disappoint you...…of course I could have lied about that but I’m a gentleman.

While we were having some drinks, the questions started…...."Here we go", I thought, "Time to have a bit of a laugh".

Girl 1: "Are you here with family?"

Me: "No, on my own"

Girl 2: "Where do you work?"

Me: "I’m afraid I can’t answer that"

Girl 2: "Why not?"

Me: "Because I work for the government"

Girl 1: "Doing what?"

Me: "Again, I’m afraid I can’t say"

Girl 2: "Hush hush is it?"

Me: "You could say that"

Girl 1: "Are you a spy?"

Me: "If I was, would I tell you?"

Girl 1: "I guess not"

Me: "There you go then"

Girl 1: "Well if you work for the government and you’re over here then you must have quite a bit of money".

Me: "That’s for me to know…".

Girl 2: "Or maybe you’re over here on some kind of business?"

Me: "I may be…....then again I may not be"

Girl 1: "How did you get here today then?"

Me: "Car"

So there they were, interrogating me, trying to find out more about who I was, what I was doing there and more to the point…....if I was loaded!

But it seemed to me that they seemed to think I was some kind of debonair (ahem!), high flying, rich young bloke who worked for the government…....possibly even on a spying mission that that very moment!

Girl 1 looked over my head and said,

"Who’s that bloke staring at us at the top of the stairs?"

I glanced at my watch, it was two minutes past six….perfect!!

I looked over to see Lionel, he must have been going out somewhere that night because he was wearing a shirt, jacket and tie instead of his usual T-shirt and shorts!

This couldn’t have got any better for me.

As I saw him wave to me, I gave a silent thank you to the gods as I said casually,

"Oh that’s my man, hold on a moment",

I walked up the steps towards Lionel, he looked at me, then looked at the girls and said loudly,

"Sir, I’m sorry I’m late"

"That’s ok", I replied, just as loudly so that they could overhear, "I’ll just be a couple more minutes my man, ok?"

Lionel looked at me and gave a smirk as he virtually shouted,

"I’ll wait for you in the car sir".

"Thank you Lionel", I retorted.

As I walked back down the steps towards the girls, they both asked in unison,

"’Oo’s that?"

"Oh that’s my man Lionel, he’s my driver. Look girls, sorry but I really do have to go now, there’s a bit of a flap on…....ah! But I’ve told you too much already…".

"Will we see you again this week?" They asked rather eagerly.

"Maybe, it depends on what happens…....but if I can make it, I’ll meet you here. That okay?"

"Yes", they both swooned (?!!)

"Great. It was lovely to meet you both", I called out as I ran up the stairs

"How about your home address?", asked Girl 2, "Maybe we can contact you at home?"

"Ah", I said, thinking quickly, "If I did that, then I would have to kill you".

And off I went.

When I got in the car, Lionel looked at me and said

"I really could have come back later sir"

But I told him that his timing was perfect and he certainly got a good tip for his trouble!

Oh, and at the time, yes, I was working for the government….in a boring statistical job as an admin assistant